Who is Kimberly Holbert?

Updated: Mar 26, 2020

Who is Kimberly Holbert?

Maryland native -> Florida-> California dreamin!!

Former anorexic/bulimic in recovery for almost 10 years. Type A introvert, nurse practitioner, nutrition coach, lover of traveling, weightlifting, dogs, dancing, and wine.

Former anorexic/bulimic turned nutrition coach: How extremes saved my life.

So how did this blog come about? I have looked back at a lot of my experiences and said to myself, "I couldn't make this stuff up even if I wanted to." Some have told me I should write a book. With that I replied "If I don’t die, this will make a GREAT story." Instead, I thought a blog would be more fun. So here goes nothing!

I became anorexic going into my freshman year of high school. I was an overweight child my whole life, was bullied in school and struggled with depression from an early age. When I got to high school, I decided I wanted change. I had an anorexic aunt who was very, very thin, so I figured if it worked for her it would work for me (leave it to a teenage girls' brain to be so sensible). At my heaviest I was a size 16. I started cheerleading and starving myself and within one year I was down to a size 6. I was drinking coffee for breakfast, apple or slim fast for lunch and something small for dinner (IF I decided to eat dinner). I blacked out at cheerleading practice more times than I can count.

When I turned 15, my mom let me get a gym membership. I was taking a weightlifting class as an elective, cheerleading practice 5 days a week after school and going to the gym 2-4 days per week. Mom was oblivious to it until I got to my smallest point and she sneered how she could see my spine and I looked sick. She was going through her own stuff at that time so I think she was in denial about me. In my head I was silently screaming for help. The more I starved the more I saw it as a punishment to myself because I hated who I was.

One day at practice, I blacked out while holding a girl up in the air. I fell to the ground, and she fell on top of me. That was a {semi} wake up call for me. My coach told my mom what happened. My mom didn't react in the most loving way, but needless to say I agreed to start eating more (as if an eating disorder can magically be turned off). I did start eating more. A lot more. More than my body needed. And then I popped a half of a box of laxatives at a time and was physically ill the rest of the day. This is where it got dangerous. Binging and purging became my drug. My coping mechanism. A few times per week I would binge. The rest of the time I was eating healthy and eating a little more so my mom wouldn't get suspicious.

The longer this went on the sicker I got. By the time I reached my first year of nursing school, I developed a bleeding ulcer. On one occasion I started vomiting and defecating bright red blood. I freaked out and told my mom. She made me a doctor appointment... I never went. I knew it was my fault. It was self-induced. It had scared me enough that I stopped abusing laxatives temporarily.

But one cannot just turn off the food addiction or an eating disorder. I kept binging. Started drinking heavily on the weekends. I was partying to numb my own inner hell. I started dating my on again off again boyfriend who was a criminal and drug addict. I failed my second semester of nursing school. My life started spiraling.

Food binges started happening more and more. I hated the emotional distress after the binge but couldn't tear myself from that initial hit of dopamine to my brain in the first few minutes of the binge. I continued to gain a considerable amount of weight. Finally got rid of the drug addict boyfriend (not for good. Though that’s a whole different blog for another day) and started dating a man who was 10 years older than me and was emotionally and physically abusive. If you didn't notice the trend, my selection in men was a direct reflection of how much I didn't respect myself. Between the ages of 20-24 I continued to go back and forth between starvation, binging and purging.

I woke up one morning and was sick and tired of living in my own personal hell. Everyone else didn’t struggle with food like I did, so I decided to put my big girl panties on and fix it. Even after this epiphany there were secret isolated binges (so my live-in boyfriend at the time didn't find out my dirty little secret).

But at 25 I said no more. I had to do something drastic. I quit my dream job, sold as much as I could from my home in Orlando, threw the rest in storage, packed my car with as much as I could fit and shipped it to El Centro, California. I’m an extremist. I had to uproot everything that was comfortable to me in order to build myself into the new person I wanted to be. I hired a one on one nutrition coach (the best investment I have EVER made) and started my day-by-day journey with figuring out how to love my body and self as God always has. Let me make this clear: I am NOT an overnight success story, nor am I close to a finished product.

I’m so grateful to be on the journey and grateful you’ve read this far down about my story. This blog will continue to document my journey. The journey of someone who went from being mortified to get on a scale and binging absurd amounts of food, to having to weigh herself twice per week and weighing every piece of food she ate on a food scale. Someone who went from having an unhealthy, complicated relationship with food to having an exciting, balanced relationship with food. And someone who wants you to know that you’re not alone in your struggles with food, body image, and insecurities.

So there you have it, folks. My story. In a nutshell. It's been quite the adventure so far. The best part though: I’m just getting started. Thanks for reading all the way through and stay tuned for more! *Que Rocky theme song*

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